You Might Be a Legalist

You might be a legalist if:

 

 

You believe that your church decorum is actually recorded in one of Apostle Paul’s epistles

 

You demand that the church go into conference just to vote on whether or not to change the setting on the thermostat.

 

You refuse to set a time that the church meets back from lunch saying it must be put to a vote.

 

When the church actually tries to put this to a vote, you say voting on any issue can’t be outside of conference.

 

When the church tries to satisfy you by calling conference, you say a special conference cannot be called without a month’s notice

 

You demand that the constitution and decorum of the church be read quarterly, but complain when the pastor reads too much scripture before his sermon.

 

You refuse to partake of communion because the wine is served in a glass and not a “cup” as the bible states.

 

You vote against any issues that weren’t brought up by you.

 

You sit on the back pew and complain that the preacher isn’t speaking loud enough.

 

You sit on the front pew and complain that the preacher is speaking too loud.

 

You never attend any night services but pitch a fit if one is omitted without your being notified.

 

You say that that starting time for church services cannot be changed, swearing that it would be unscriptural.

 

You demand a recount even though the vote was unanimous.

 

You swear to stand on what you believe, even when you know it’s not biblical!

 

You want Bro Jones removed as deacon because, at the last service, he failed to make his way across the auditorium and congratulate you on your beautiful piano playing.

 

You grumble about helping the pastor financially, saying he’s supposed make his own living, but then complain because he didn’t show up at the Day Surgery for your wife’s colonoscopy.

 

You demand a majority vote by the church during conference each month just to pay the electric bill.

 

You let the church’s fire insurance lapse because it came due between conference meetings and the treasurer couldn’t make the payment without a majority vote from the church.

 

You demand that the deacons search out a new pastor, because the current pastor failed to visit your momma’s first cousin who is in the hospital ninety miles away.

 

You threaten to stop attending church services because you weren’t recognized for the flower arrangement you provided last Sunday.

 

And lastly, you might be a legalist if:

 

You believe that Jesus spoke with a southern accent.